The benefits of anxiety

The HUman element. The layout of the mural is finished, the boards have been gridded, the colors have been assigned and the element blocks have been printed. Now comes the scary part... putting it all together. Seriously, I had a great deal of anxiety about this. Working with the paper I chose for this project has been a challenge with a number of failed experiments and botched samples.

The pink paper is incredibly difficult to deal with. I needed to develop a new technique and use extreme care when working with it. I had so much anxiety about this on Saturday, that I decided NOT to work on on it as planned. Instead, I frittered away the day feeling the anxiety rising, while working on another part of the project and watching Netflix. Which, turned out to be just what I needed.

It was a weird experience to "sit with" that much anxiety yesterday, rather than running away from it or trying to push or force my way through it. I reflected on the validity of the anxiety, and followed threads of thoughts back to entrenched negative beliefs about myself and fear. I found doubt, mistrust, reluctance, insecurity, suspicion and a mindset of scarcity and fear. It was an awful and awkward experience. Yet, I could feel a bubbling energy underneath the anxiety, which was pleasant at times. Fascinating and enlightening.

I woke up today, with mild anxiety and thought... Lets just start slow and see what happens. I know what I am doing and I can learn as I go. Taking this relaxed view, I was able to work calmly and efficiently. And, the results were fantastic!

Here are some images from the work in progress in the studio-kitchen!