Begin... Again?

It is almost three years since my last post or any serious presence or activity on social media. The truth of which is that I did not miss the image-managing or social interaction. What I did miss was the opportunity to ponder out loud to an audience of none, or maybe one, if I am to count myself.

I quit writing, creating and documenting my work in the public/online space because it was false and tedious. It felt forced and ridiculous to package myself for consumption; to speak to an imagined audience, who I hoped would find my projects/ideas interesting, engaging, fun or worthwhile enough to participate in or support. While, at the same time, projects were being cancelled, agreements were broken, concepts were "borrowed" and promising leads disappeared into the realm of ghosts.

I also noticed that the desire for appreciation created an anxiety that was new to me, and that the lack of interest and engagement became disheartening and inspired despair. So, I just stopped. Because, it was/is more important for me to explore concepts and to develop ideas and understandings, than it is to pander for acceptance, appreciation or applause. Which may sound harsh, but it is true for me.

I have decided to start documenting some of my past and current work in the next few months. It will be available here because I would like to pick up some interesting work and contribute to projects other than my own. Which means I need to maintain some sort of online presence. And, this is here, ready and waiting for me to begin... again.

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My Shy Share

I have always been really shy about drawing. Mostly because I thought that all drawing needed to be photo-real or fantastically detailed or done in a super-cool, bold, innovative and individual style. And, everyone else seemed to be so much better at it than me. I was literally paralyzed by my insecurities and did not want to draw at all. I can still suffer a little bit of anxiety due to perfectionism when asked to create something on the spot.

A few years ago, while I was on some very very long and boring phone conferences, I started doodling. I would do the same at meeting and retreats, creating objects in the margins of my notebook. I would start with a line, mostly curves, because I like the feeling of drawing curves, and I would see where the drawing wanted to go. I would experiment and shape things, erase/modify as needed and continue on. It was really interesting to see what developed. So, I bought a sketchbook and began to doodle for fun and to alleviate the boredom of repetitive filler speech.

I was really into doing this for a period of time. And, I have sketch pads full of drawings that I did while in meetings and watching Netflix at night. I fell out of the practice when my life got busier and I was working outside the house. I picked up the doodling again this summer while I was traveling, and am getting back into it.

It is quite fun to do, because drawing in this way lets me sit between two worlds, the conscious and the subconscious, and helps me to discover and help shape/guide the images as the process unfolds.

Had fun working on this one the night before last.

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One of the things that fascinates me is how line implies motion, movement, form and carries emotion. I am also captivated by simplicity. Like how little is needed to convey an idea visually. And, what patterns emerge from the lines on the page--how they work together to create a story without having a script or a theme in mind to illustrate.

I see shapes and patterns telling stories in everything and plan to use 2025 to explore that further.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Now it is time for me to get to work!